I realized the other day that I'm living alone for the first time in my life. I lived with my parents and brothers and sisters till I was 19 and then lived with Joe for 28 years. Thank God for my kitten Bluey. Or I would really be depressed!!
This is not a bad thing I am finding out. I can do whatever I want as long as i don't spend a lot of money. The actual legal process has not started yet so I'm trying to be frugal so I can keep my house.
I realized yesterday I'm going to way too many meetings (i'm in recovery 9 yrs, 10 months). Hiding in the rooms is not a good way to deal with life. Also staying in bed all day when I'm home is not good either. My friends in the program are priceless to me. A wonderful group of women who are all my sisters. Oh yes and then there is my real sister, Mary Beth, who calls me every day. I really love her.
What's keeping me stable these days is trying to stay balanced. To check my balance every day I start with an I Ching reading. Today was 5:Waiting, line 4&5 changing to 34: Taming Power of the Great. I read it to mean wait and save your power until the time arrives to act. The best reminder to myself is to be kind and not put too much pressure on myself to take action through fear of failure. This is a rough time on the psyche, almost like a death, so I have to sit in waiting and heal. I think I can do that.
So I started reading up on Narcissism. This has been an interesting psychological diagnosis that was often lodged on my missing father. So I started reading this BLOG, What Makes Narcissists Tick? (see my blog list below to check it out.) I also
downloaded this person's book that goes with her blog. She is a free lance writer and not a psychologist but it seems like she has the experience of living with such a person. The traits also really fit my husband (soon to be ex). I think reading this stuff is only helping me in one way. It helps me to realize why it was so impossible to reach him emotionally. It was the same way with my father. In time I think it will help me move on from the thought that things could have been different if only I acted a different way. Acceptance is key ...
thanks for listening, sue